Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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