I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want her autograph on my taint
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
