Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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