I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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