my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
