I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
