I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
