im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
