Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
