Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
