I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
