tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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