He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
