It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
