He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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