Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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