Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
