K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
