the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
