i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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