We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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