she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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