I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
