the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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