i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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