You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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