You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
