What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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