after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
