I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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