omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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