You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
