David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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