I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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