but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
