I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
