Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
