I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
