Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
