He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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