I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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