yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
