I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
my liver is dry heaving
I need a beard to bite.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
