Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
