Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
