i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
