Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
