so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
