Dual....:-)
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
