I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All the doctor said was why
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
