her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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