I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
