I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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