no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
